1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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