saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
