I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
