no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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