we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
