I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
