dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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