just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
