the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
