call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
