I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let's paint friendship bongs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
