proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
