i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
