We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
