I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
