I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
