Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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