He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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