the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
