She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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