stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
