Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
