I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
