He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
