I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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