She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
