You work out of a Hotel?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize