how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
