I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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