Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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