Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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