I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
