i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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