omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
