I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
