he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
