Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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