so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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