My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
