You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
