therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
