Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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