I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
