and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
