first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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