i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
