I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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