i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize