No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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