Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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