I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
