im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
