my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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