Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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