I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
