She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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