We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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