Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
