I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
