Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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