this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
