The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
