my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
